No one was more pleased than I when the world didn’t end yesterday, despite the scientific community’s attempt to recreate the Big Bang with a $9 billion particle accelerator.
We’ve all seen films in which scientists have unearthed some great discovery, or have developed an all-curing medicine. They applaud one another and announce how the world is going to be better off and then BOOM – we’re all fighting for our lives within the Thunderdome.
Worst Case Scenario
Thankfully – as you’ve probably realised by now – the apocalypse has been staved off, at least temporarily. So we’ve decided to celebrate our new lease on life by appreciating the best post-apocalyptic cinematic hell-scapes!
Kicking it off with:
Cause of Human Annihilation: The Krippin Virus
Will Smith stars as Shrek-quoting scientist Robert Neville, the last man on Earth … kind of. It seems the rest of humanity has turned into a flesh eating clan of underdeveloped CGI’s!!! Just joking. This really is a five-star movie. That is, until the last twenty minutes. I won’t enter spoiler territory, but the film basically goes against the entire concept of the original book (and even the film’s title). But, if you want to see a man hunting elk in Times Square, this is your film.
Cause of Human Annihilation: The Rage Virus
When Animal Rights activists save some caged monkeys from medical research, they accidentally unleash the Rage virus, which turns people into really fast zombies. 28 Days Later is one of the best ‘zombie’ films ever made (althought they’re not technically zombies, but I won’t get into that now). And it comes with a potent warning – Animal Rights activists WILL destroy the world. I’m watching you Hayden Panettiere.
Cause of Human Annihilation: Captain Trip (A Superflu)
Stephen King’s classic tale of good versus evil is one of the most popular post-apocalyptic stories of all time – but it’s kind of long. Like, 6 hours long. However, if you can stand the length, it’s well worth checking out. When humanity has been wiped out by a government-enhanced strain of influenza, two groups of survivors battle it out for their continued existence. Oh, and in this new society, Molly Ringwald has black hair. WHAT GODLESS HELL IS THIS?!
Cause of Human Annihilation: Humans!!!
It was us! We blew it up! We’re maniacs!!! The film leads us to believe our heroes have crashlanded onto an alien planet run by horse-riding Apes. However, the planet is in fact Earth, destroyed by our own nuclear capabilities. I think The Simpsons said it best in the POTA musical Dr. Zaius: “Oh my gosh, I was wrong. It was Earth all along! Well, you finally made a monkey out of me!”
Cause of Human Annihilation: People Not Doing ‘It’
A society that worships a big, flying stone head called Zardoz, could never last too long. Neither could a society that follows the crazy mantra: “the gun is good, the penis is evil”. Umm, I guess no one ever thought to give them ‘the talk’. But I suppose if the guys dressed like Sean Connery in the above picture, I can hardly blame them.
Upcoming Post-Apocalyptic Flicks:
Author Cormac McCarthy’s (No Country for Old Men) Pulitzer Prize winning The Road is headed for cinemas later this year. If the film stays close to the bleak tone of the book, it will make the above scenario’s seem like Pixar movies.
Saying that, the latest Pixar film Wall-E is also set on a post-apocalyptic Earth. Those guys can do anything!
What hell-scapes did we miss?