The top 10 mad movie doctors. By Simon Miraudo.
“It’s alive!” “Great scot!” “Feed her!” These are the legendary catchcries of cinema’s best and craziest doctors. This week saw the long-awaited release of the formerly-banned horror flick The Human Centipede 2 on DVD and Blu-ray, and to celebrate we’re listing our all-time favourite mad movie docs. OK, THC2‘s Martin may not quite have the surgical qualifications of Dr. Heiter from the first film, but he certainly deserves an ‘A’ for effort. From 10 to 1, here are the quacks we’d rather not have interfere with our anesthetised bodies.
10. Dr. Josef Heiter in The Human Centipede
Let’s kick of the countdown with the very man who inspired it: an idealistic German physician (likely of Nazi descent) with an interest in sowing together humans anus-to-mouth so that he might discover the perfect digestive system. Because the current one is so flawed.
9. Dr. Evil in Austin Powers
This 60s super-villain was cryogenically frozen (as was his cat), had his body jettisoned into outer space, birthed a miniature clone of himself, thoughtlessly murdered his minions on a whim, and even liquidated the members of his son’s psychiatric support group. He is, however, a pioneer in the field of attaching laser beams to the heads of sharks, so it’s not all bad.
8. Dr. Strangelove in Dr. Strangelove
We’ve mentioned Stanley Kubrick’s cold war classic in so many Top 10s that by this point it’s seriously challenging Nicolas Cage for the ‘Over-Exposed’ crown. But how could we leave off Peter Sellers‘ wheelchair bound, Führer-praising (sensing a theme here?) Dr. Strangelove?
7. Dr. Emmett Brown in Back to the Future
Sure, he seems friendly, and he did successfully create the flux capacitor and thus time travel, indirectly allowing Marty to invent rock’n’roll. But a crazy hermit with a penchant for stealing from Libyan terrorists, and who spends all his time with a teenage boy? He must be on a watch list somewhere.
6. Dr. Henry Frankenstein in Frankenstein
Author Mary Shelley called him ‘Victor’, but James Whale – in the iconic film adaptation – christened Dr. Frankenstein ‘Henry’. No matter. He’s still the same obsessed scientist (who exhumes corpses and builds monsters) that we know and love.
5. Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr in The Man With Two Brains
Who better to describe brain surgeon – and eventual brain romancer - than Dr. Hfuhruhurr himself. Here he is, speaking to a journalist: “Would you read that back to me? I’m afraid that might make me sound pompous to your readers.” “‘My brilliant research in brain transplantation is unsurpassed, and will probably make my name live beyond eternity’.” “No, that’s all right. Take out the ‘probably’. It makes me sound wishy-washy.”
4. Dr. Frank N. Furter in The Rocky Horror Picture Show
He’s like Dr. Frankenstein, but he’s way into pansexual orgies, cabaret-style musical numbers, and killing people with an ice pick.
3. Dr. Seth Brundle in The Fly
Dr. Brundle is a kook when we first meet him, and that’s before he attempts to teleport his body and accidentally merges DNA with a housefly. Wait until you see what he’s like at the end of the movie.
2. Dr. Moreau in The Island of Dr. Moreau
This flick is actually based on the famed H.G. Wells novel of the same name, but it’s best known these days for featuring a fairly insane performance from Marlon Brando as the eponymous doc. Moreau’s bag is all about converting animals into people, which he believes will create a new race of peaceful humans. What is it they say about roads paved with good intentions? It leads somewhere … bad. Ah well, can’t remember it. Anyway, here’s some hilarious footage.
Yeah, he eats people.